Tag Archives: bagels

Bagels are talentless hacks

So you know those days when you really don’t want to wake up and go to work, but you drag yourself there anyways and a co-worker or a boss or someone has brought in bagels or doughnuts(and coffee, of course) for everyone and it instantly gets better because bagels are bringers of happiness and energy? I envy you. My work is full of bagels and coffee everyday, and you know what? The bagels are taking the credit for the happiness and the energy. You that lovely co-worker who brought those bagels in? When she was getting those bagels, she was all kinds of unhappy. The line’s too long, she shouldn’t have had to call in an order for a carry-out order of coffee the day before so we have time to make it, why don’t we have anymore blueberry bagels gosh darn it! No, what really brings the joy is the surprise of getting a bagel at all. You won’t be thinking “oh i want this exactly and nothing else will do,” you will be thinking “ooh, bagel!” As soon as you get a choice, you will never be happy.

So I vote that the concept of the bagel shop should be changed. Instead of being your typical restaurant where we take your order, make it, and hand it over to you, we should have monthly memberships. There can be different types, some for a dozen of bagels, some for single meals, etc. But depending on your membership, you can pick a number of days a month, and we will randomly deliver your bagels to your office or home so that you can think “ooh, bagel!” and be happy.

When it comes to bagels, be anti-choice.

15 minutes left.