If you’ve read any of this blog, you probably know that my brain is out to get me. I’ve spoken a lot about bipolar disorder, but over the past couple of months, anxiety has made it nearly impossible for me to leave the house. I manage to get to official things, like meetings with teachers and work, but unscheduled but necessary things, such as returning library books, remain undone. I went to one social event, and I was struggling not to have a panic attack the entire way there. When I say that I hate people, I’m usually thinking of the times when just being within five feet of someone makes me want to hide. The thing is, while I don’t get that feeling around online encounters, I feel so drained that I disappear. I don’t respond to emails for months, I weasel out of instant messaging,* I don’t update my blog. And then the depression side of my bipolar kicks in and tells me that I’m worthless, that I can’t take care of myself, that I’m a terrible friend, and what am I thinking pretending I have a band?
My brain is a jerk.
I’m doing my best to pull myself together over here. Thanks for bearing with me.
*”What do you want? Gah, just leave me alone to hide in my log!” http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7249/8157682031_d7eaecbaeb_z.jpg