After what I consider the success of my previous blog, I have decided to write probably almost all of these entries spur of the moment with a half hour time limit. It gives the critic that is my brain less time to realize that I’m being somewhat creative.
I’ve been working on what I’ve been referring to as my self-pity song, but it really has a better title than that. Of course, all of my songs are self-pitying in some way or other, but this is the one where I go all out. I just like the idea of having a song to work on where I can dump all the angst I want and no one can call me out on it because hey, I’ve told them what they’re getting into by listening to it. This song, I don’t have to worry whether it’s bad, so bad it’s good, or even somewhat bearable to listen to. I can write whatever I want for it and it doesn’t matter because hey, this is my self-pity song, and self-pity has an excuse for being annoying.
My first performance is in two weeks and I’m being extremely nervous. As much as I’ve performed in the past, the spotlight has never really been on me. I’ve been one of the cellists, or just another piece in the line-up, and, with one exception, all things written by someone else. Obviously, this paragraph belongs in the self-pity song. I am excited, too. I think, I hope my songs are good, and I hope I’ll have an audience, and logically I know I can’t have a worse screw-up than I did at my cello recital when I was 11, but not knowing how this will go gets to me.
I’m not quite sure what else to say, I am publishing this entry with 10 minutes to go.